BURNING UP MY DREAMS.

i'm such a fucked up hypocrite. i can't even help myself and here i am helping you. i don't know why i'm this stupid. the fact that i'll be willing to do anything for you. anything. even if it means to make you happy. i'll just hide in a corner and continue hurting. because i know that i can't be shut out of your life. so i'll be this vessel. where you throw all your troubles to. simply saying how much you love her and miss her. how much you want to hold her and how much you want to tell her you love her over and over again. i understand how you feel. because i feel the same way. but there is nothing i can do because you don't feel the same way. but i know you can do it. a least she loves you.
i don't know how to comfort you. i don't know how to make you feel better. because i'm not her. i can't assure you anything. but its a decision you've made. if you can't treat her like a sister then why do this? i'm sorry. its not my place to say. but you're always making decisions because its better for the both of you. both of anybody. but have you ever thought what the other party really wanted?
i'm sorry i lied. i haven't let go. but i cannot stand holding on. you're telling me to have a back up plan. fuck you. and you said that you know me. that you understand me. you know how long it takes for me to trust someone. and i'm not going through the whole process of trusting someone so completely. what if the person can't accept me like you can? and pushes me away bacause of everything i've done and everything i'm going through. the things i've seen? i'm sorry. but you're the best back up plan anyone could have. you're the only one i trust. cause the other is in a fucking rehab. and i need to be strong for her. and i need to be strong for you now too. because we both know how you are right now.
i can't take the strain. i want to breakdown and cry. i want to die. i'm tired. i really am. too tired to handle anymore than this. i'm begging you now. don't leave yet. i'm not ready for this. not yet. i keep waking up in the middle of the night. crying. and so afraid. i'm on the verge. falling.

i still love you. so much. but i know that i have to let go. because it hurts too much to let go. so stop saying that you love me. stop showing me affection. just be a friend. so i can move on gracefully. i don't want to be forced to do anything. i was forced to grow up too fast. i don't want to be forced to get over you. sorry. not now. i still love you. and there are no words to say how much i miss you.

you took my hand.
you showed me how.
you promised me you'd be around.
i took your words and i believed.
in everything you said to me.
if someone said three years from now.
you'd be long gone.
i'd stand up and punch them out.
cause they're all wrong.
i know better.
cause you said forever and ever
who knew?
remember when we were such fools.
and so convinced and just too cool.
i wish i could touch you again.
i wish i could call you a friend.
i'd give anything.
when someone said count your blessings from not.
before they're long gone.
i guess i didn't know how.
i was all wrong.
but they knew better.
still you said forever.
and ever.
who knew?
i'll keep you locked in my head.
until we meet again.
and i won't forget you my friend.
what happened.
if someone said three years from now.
you'd be long gone.
i'd stand up and punch them out.
cause they're all wrong and.
that last kiss i'll cherish.
until we meet again.

who knew
; pink.






it might take time.
but i'll heal.
cause they say that time heals all wounds.
our chemistry could destroy this place.